These Phrases given by A Dad Which Helped Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."